It’s been a minute. Actually it’s been a month! LOL!!
The last time I pushed “published” in this here little space was to share with you a piece I had shared in The Mudroom. The Mudroom is my new place, my new community, my new coming of wanting to live a more transparent, brave, authentic journey.
Well I’m up again and I would love for you to stop by.
I’m still determined to connect with you more right here at Quenched. I just gotta find a better way to carve out that precious space to GET HERE.
In the meantime, I just want you to know that I’m still alive, still writing, still loving, still stretching and still living.
Be back soon(er). 🙂
Searching for humanity, hope and clean water in The Mudroom today.Would love your company there-stop by.
It’s quite painful to keep holding your truth inside.
“I think I have emotional and creative constipation.” Laughingly, I told my Twin Cuzin Alisha last night.
As a loud chuckle rolled out deep from my belly a piece of my heart sank.
You see for the past 3 weeks I have been storing up beauty, trauma and unfinished thoughts. I haven’t written down one single word to process it all. I am bloated with imagery, poetry, brutal and real conversations.
Because something keeps telling me it’s a luxury. That only “real” authors, bloggers, and established creatives get to write.
This voice also keeps saying that you must have the “privilege” of time to write. In my more less committed seasons I did write. Wrote everyday! But that ain’t my testimony right now.
I am a full-time working, wife and Momma of three-there ain’t no time Honey!
So instead of starting somewhere, I’ve been storing up mason jars of self-pity, hater-ade and anger.
And let’s just say it ain’t pretty.
So this morning I’m choosing to scribble down a bit of what’s been locked up in my soul and mind-despite the fact I have no time.
Because there is a story and a dream burning deep inside that just won’t let me go. And it is causing a serious case of “creative constipation.”
It’s time to uncork. Lol!
( Reflection of Palm Sunday)
New shoots of green life
I wave at His feet
Pushing past the dirt of my own humanity
I lift high my hands to worship.
New hope of redemption
I plea for your Majesty
“Just one more touch?“
As you pass my way
The robe of your Glory
Wraps me tightly in your light.
God’s up to something new. I think that’s what happens when we let go of what’s not working and grab hold of what it is we really want. Acting out on faith gives God more room to show up and show out. It just may be -we have to get a little messy first.
Dirt makes things grow. You know those underground-where-nobody-else-can-see-places? Yea, that’s where transformation really begins.
Buds of truth, community and creativity are springing up for me in the difficult places.
Just when life was getting a little dull and dusty with discouragement a few new beginnings came my way.
It’s called, The Mudroom.
Here’s an excerpt from our home page…
“The Mudroom is a place for the stories emerging in the midst of the mess.”
Our vision is simple: make room for people.
“Sometimes we feel like there’s no room at the table, or we don’t belong at the table, but what if we sidestep the table entirely and just meet in the mudroom? Sometimes the formality of the table can be intimidating and we find ourselves wishing we were under the table.”
“Sometimes we need the smaller space, the comforting place, with the people who will shove the cast off sweatshirts and baseball gloves and skateboards out of the way and slide to the floor with us. What if we just didn’t go in, and stayed in the mudroom instead?”
Come by The Mudroom where we are getting messy about the things that really matter most in our lives.Today my first post is being featured. Stop by if you get a minute and say “hey”. We are honoring Women’s History Month. Meet Ms. Ida B. Wells-the Princess of the Press.
So folks keep asking me- why do you observe Lent?
And two and a half weeks into this journey, I’m asking myself the same question.
Tweeking For Crutches
Social media, sugar and success are what I am seriously salivating for right now. These three crutches-I’ve known for awhile-are my “go to’s”.
Quick fixes that give me fast highs and fill in lonely moments (FaceBook strolling), deep cravings (salty, dark chocolate with carmel-now please) and unmet dreams (am I totally living the life I imagined-yet?).
But maybe instead of feeling the need to start over-I am really hitting the stride of what this Lent thing is suppose to really be about-drawing closer to God.
Before beginning his ministry Jesus went away. In Matthew 4:1-11, Jesus was sent into the wilderness by the Spirit, where he fasted and prayed for 40 days. During His time away He was tempted by Satan -yet found clarity and strength to resist every temptation.
It is only in the quiet, undestracted places do we truly hear from God. Not in the copy-paste-regurgitated-verbiage of others.
Don’t get me wrong -I am a quote connoisseur. LOL! I know how to pick the best of them.
I love finding that perfect quote. It’s like finally discovering, the missing 1000th piece, to the jigsaw puzzle to life’s most pressing need.
But there are times in my life when I am desperate to hear only His words, be close to His single heartbeat, serenaded alone by His sweet melodies.
After time alone Jesus was ready to begin His ministry. Can you imagine the intimacy and revelation Jesus must have received by himself from His Heavenly Father?
I’ve had my share of can’t-stop-ugly-cry-praise-moments. Those times when you’re so grateful nobody is home or looking in your car to witness your breakdown to get to your breakthrough. Ummhmmm. Ever had one?
There are places in our lives when we need to work out bad habits, lost dreams, broken promises in order to move on to the next step or new season God is desiring for us. Places to just let it go. All. Go.
Are you longing to complete a work or calling that is bigger than you?
For me right now that is finishing strong with the Love of My Life and in the raising up of our three children as a 42-year old woman (mid-life is no joke y’all).
It is also the finishing up of a memoir eight years in the making. Loving my circles of community and friendships with intention and deep care.
The creating of voice, beauty and healing through words, the arts, acts of service and a souled-out-broken-life poured out to God.
But more than anything I just want to hear Jesus say, “You did it Baby Girl. Job well done. Come on up and rest awhile.”
That reality and satisfaction will not come if I am not close enough to hear Him giving me the inside scoop to my own life. The secret map to hidden treasures of truth and wisdom only come from the guiding motions of His hands.
I must unnumb, detox and stop being my own solution to truly find God.
I gotta pump the breaks. Slow the pace. Cease the grind. Say no to my “go to” instant gratifications to live a fulfilled life totally committed to my Savior.
This is why I Lent.
Tonight I’m reading, Brian Zahnd’s book, Beauty Will Save The World.
I can’t shake this quote loose:
“We do not want merely to see beauty, though God knows, even that is bounty enough. We want something else which can hardly be put into words -to be united with the beauty we see, to pass into it, to receive it into ourselves, to bathe in it, to become part of it.” -C.S Lewis
Lent for me is becoming the polishing off of dusty faith . The scrubbing away of sticky desires and stained doubts.
The beauty of the cross is what saved me. A love so captivating-captured my restless soul. I want to become more of that beauty.
I want to be united, steeped in that kind of beautiful love. God’s beauty draws me in and now more that ever I want it to totally consume me.