writing

No More “Shoulding”On Myself

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surrender

Burning bushes have been speaking to me lately. As cold winds of regret whisper quietly in my ear…

“You’re not enough”.

“It’s too late for you.”

“Stop dreaming about more.”

And today I decided I’m tired of “shoulding” on myself.

Heared that term years ago from my Big Sis Meg. And as much as I’d like to say I’ve got the case of the “shoulds” beat-I don’t.

I should be writing in this space twice a week. But right now I can’t seem to find that clearing in my head nor time to be consistent in my schedule -but I’m here today and I always return.

I should have a cleaner home. But I don’t. And I decided a long time ago that I’d rather spend time checking in with each of my children on the daily than tidying up every corner and cabinet in my home.

I should have a book deal by now. But it’s not ready. Still. Not. Ready. Got edits from my editor and it looks and feels like there is still more to mesh, more to grow, more to layer, more to hope for. And as much as I’m struggling with this news-I gotta embrace it.  Pull up my sleeves, grab a new pen and fresh piece of paper and ask the one who is the Author of my life to take me through this process again. Once. Again.

I am His words-poured out. He gets to decide “the how” and “the when”.

My list of shoulds could go on forever-but I’ve had enough of the spinning. I’m sure you’ve gone there too?

Let’s reach out for more of  “surrender” and less of “the shoulds'”.

I shared more about letting go over in the Mudroom. So grateful for this group of writers who are keeping me inspired to hold on to my dream of writing-even it’s by my pinky-toe nail! LOL.

http://mudroomblog.com/saying-good-bye-my-ifs-and-my-onlys/

Here’s to the season of surrender.

Love y’all….

 

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STUCK (A poem I wrote the month I almost lost my voice-AGAIN)

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Flow

I find myself unable to flow
Like a stream restricted with
debris and branches of
Half cut dreams
Twisted with twigs of living for today’s reality of
Bills due, milk costing $3.52, and
Momma,I need a new pair of shoes.

They keep saying “ you can do it” and “don’t give up”
But every time I get a grip and try to lift
The unwanted constrictions that keep dirtying
This precious space of quenched waters
I slip

Not from the lack of fight or desire
But from the weight and pain of this thorn in my side
That You have permitted to be-next to me-pierced so deep
Lord,God can’t you see, this ain’t what I wanted
I plead

I need

You to take it away -now

Or give me a reason

To my “why me”, “why me again”

I scream

I hear
Love can conquer this fear
Grace is enough and sufficient
Strength in Him will be your anchor

I wait
Yes me, the Girl who was left abandoned

Now the Woman who knows He does rescue, BUT…
In His time
In His time
In His, “might not come when you want him, but He’s always right on time”-TIME

I trust

Reach out, these arms

Breathe in, this air

Close shut, cried-heavy eyes

You take
All that’s wrong right out my hand
Seal hope tight where I couldn’t stand
Nestle me close as you sing
Heavenly anthems of kingdom themes

Stuck no longer in this stream

Now in your arms
You let me see

What I couldn’t

Footprints in the sea you have departed

Waves waiting to be sailed

As long as I remember that
Droughts are needed to remind me

You create

The Living Water and decide
How they should flow-not me

A droplet in the desert
One million waves of the sea
You are the One who holds it all

And you are the One
Who keeps holding me

BLANK PAGE- A poem

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Blank Page

Staring back at me, what do you see?

Look in and tell the making of my story

Of this day and days gone by- victories and defeats

Cause I can’t seem to find my rhyme, my words, my beat without you.

Life is spinning out

as it’s moving fast 

Threatening to blur the sacred gift of right now.

Soul is aching, like gripped hands holding on for too long

To miles per hours of change, flex, confusion-the rush

…please hush.

Blank page, slow me down

To steady speeds once again

And write across my heart

HOPE

STRENGTH

TRUST

Day 30-Beginning of the New Normal-QUENCHED

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Gospel Song In The Rain

Ahhhh…..

We made it ya’ll-30 post in 30 days.

There are so many things I learned about myself, about writing, about those I am blessed to have follow along in this Quenched journey with me.

What I learned about myself:

I need goals. NaBloPo was an amazing jumpstart into launching me deeper into the discipline of my writing and my writing style. In order to continue my success in developing my craft I will need to keep setting monthly goals. December’s goal is to blog three times a week and complete my book proposal. The fear of putting my words out in the world is gone. I am a writer and I now know it.

I need quiet cafe’s and good coffee. OH my goodness!! Seriously I could drink coffee (good and strong please) and hang out in cafe’s all  day long. Every cafe has it’s own atmosphere and specialized coffee. I function best with a quiet lull and great french-pressed. I have found two  places in my city that accommodate these requirements. I would share them with y’all but then it might not stay that way- sorry. LOL!

I need to stay thirsty for God inspiration. Depending on God each day to show up, to speak to me in my life right-where-I’m-present, renewed both my soul and my journey. He desires for me to soak up all of his love. Not just the easy treating him as Santa Claus love-but the trust him as Lord over my everything love (yes even the broken, ugly, difficult places-he wants it all) … this dependency is what pleases him most.

What I learned about writing:

Writing is my mirror. Words have the ability to reflect into my heart, mind and soul allowing me to see myself and the world around most clearly. Without having the ability to transfer love, fear, joy through words I become, dull, disconnected and distant from my own life. Words truly ground my life-journey-I need them.

Writing is hard work. No easy way around it! And as one of the  world’s worst self-editors it’s hard exposing your weaknesses in front of the world.  I know I have to grow and get better in this area. I am so determined. (Thank you again for your grace with my  typos and spots of incorrect grammar). Writing takes a lot of time, energy and perseverance. There are no short cuts to finding and developing your voice and style. You gotta do it-lot’s of it, knowing it will require  a whole lot of time.

Writing is my greater passion. I am skilled, interested and gifted at 1 million other things, but for now this is my “one thing” God has on my plate (besides my Hubby and my family). In order to keep this flame of creativity burning I am going to have to keep saying no to many fun, amazing and “so me” things. I love to do so much, but I need the greater focus to finish the work that he has begun in me.

What I learned about FOLLOWERS: 

You care. I have enjoyed your likes, your comments and your encouragement-online, on the street, and on the church pew. I started this blog just two months ago with a quick 50 faithful friends and family members following and now I have 760! What an honor. It’s not fun doing life alone and the fact that perfect strangers would grace me by stopping is so humbling. THANK YOU.

You are diverse. Just like my rich palate for food and connectedness is filled with variety and flavor so are the people that I am drawn too and in return are drawn to me. I love people and I love community. Blogging has opened up me up to a new world, to a larger community that is beautiful and bold in creativity, intellect and faith.

So what is the conclusion of this one month blogging experience…

I am an official blogger,and I’m loving it-writing daily is the beginning to my new normal.

______________________________________________________________________

With the above being said-I am going to take one week off (writing online) to clean my house…LOL (for real, laundry, piles and dust have grown to an all time high), decorate for Christmas (so excited-truly my most favorite time of the year-can you believe it’s already December 1st) reconnect and rest up (this month stretch me and my family-thank you Honey and kiddos for allowing Mommy so much time in front of the screen).

But…I’ll be back soon. I’m hooked.

Until then, thank you for an AWESOME NOVEMBER!

Remain quenched by His love,

Love y’all

Velynn