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I was feeling all church glowy and spirit open, when I ran into my Aunt Jean and Cousin Cecilia after church.

My Aunt was on her way to see Grandma Frazier, our 93-year-old matriarch of the family before enjoying Sunday dinner at Cecilia’s. My eyes filled with tears and conviction and I heard gently…

It’s time, go visit.

What the Spirit failed to remember was that I had our annual cookie baking at one of my Sistah-Girlfriends house that I still needed to shop for that had been on the calendar for months. I also needed to stop by my Uncle Phillip’s Christmas Gumbo Open House-“Grandma’s” was not on my “Family Christmas Countdown”-OUCH!!

And she should have been.

In the middle of my Holy Spirit spanking, I reminded the Lord that I was still mad at Grandma because of how she had hurt me in the past and that I wasn’t sure if I was ready yet to let it go and how it would be stupid to use Christmas as a “token” for all the missed visits I had promised.

It’s the perfect “token”.

Truth is I didn’t deserve Jesus to come by my broken, dirtied-up, sin stained heart-but He did.  Didn’t deserve all the visits of love, joy, peace and comfort he keeps delivering at my door step.

And as I’m trying to review and recall  the pain and anger I’ve held on to for so long-love swells up instead and memories of Christmas past with Grandmother in her yellow kitchen come in it’s place.

And I am that little girl in her black velvet-red ribbon- laced dress with sweated out press and curl from the nerves of reciting my Christmas speech-now excited because we are headed to Grandmother’s house. 

Because the form and fashion of Christmas plays and productions are behind and all I can think about is Grandmother’s 7 layered applesauce and coconut cakes. And how all my cousins, aunts, extended family and complete strangers will all be there expanding the four walls of her home larger than they were constructed.

I will eat turkey, dressing, macaroni and cheese, greens, sweet yams and my own Mother’s prized homemade yeast rolls. And after we feast my cousins and I will share and compare our prized Christmas toys. I remember the one Christmas when we all got Holly Hobby ovens and we brought our brown-skinned Baby Alives and we pretended to be Mommy’s.

And now here in this memory of my Grandmother’s house, the laughter will be so loud that you will have to yell at the person in front of you to keep your conversations going. And how the “less saved” family members my slip and cuss and the “more saved” will share tidbits of sermons and gossip about who finally got saved just in time for Christmas.


Grandma keeps bragging to her Nursery Home attendants that I am her Grandbaby and so is the one seated by my side.

Grandma remembers that I never gave her my new number when it changed.

Grandma wonders out loud why it has taken me so long to visit her, that she is surprised by my visit.

Grandma hugs and kisses me still.

Grandma and I and my Aunt and my daughter keep laughing because we are happy, the family although a fraction is together for this moment. We are still Frazier’s and our voices and loudness and joy keeps spilling out into the halls.

Grandma has missed me and I have missed her.

I tell my daughter on our ride back into our Christmas plans, never to wait as long as Mommy did to forgive and that Christmas is the perfect pass to make wrong things right-that this is the real meaning of Christmas-the gift of getting what you don’t deserve or didn’t earn.

And I’m so grateful that God didn’t keep a grudge against me-and I am thankful for baby Jesus’ coming- to make me right and to finally get it right with my Grandmother.




    Rashida said:
    December 23, 2013 at 6:43 pm

    tjfozzie said:
    December 28, 2013 at 12:01 am

    I read this on the morning you wrote it, the 23rd, and it stayed with me all day. I have a cousin who has hurt our family in so many ways over the course of her life and she had sent me a friend request on FB long ago. I rejected it and told her I wasn’t ready to let her in yet. All day long Dear Lord Jesus kept prompting me to forgive her ~ not because she’s family but because He wants her as His and so much of her pain and addiction is tied up in the guilt and shame she has accumulated over the years. That night I knew I had to do something. i wrote her a message on FB and sent her a friend request. All those years she manipulated my parent’s desire to help with her spouting of Jesus changing her life, only to turn around once again to betray and hurt us, He made it clear the desires of the heart are not always stronger than the flesh and she needed to know He loved her and that she was worthy of accepting HIM. Even if it meant her earthly family didn’t, HE WOULD. Thank you for being a catalyst used to bring a step toward healing in me…and in her. You are blessed and loved. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

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