The plan was supposed to be packing the children in the van with hot cocoa, blankets and grilled cheese sandwiches. Battery operated Christmas lights on the inside and out were to create the mood and anticipation of Day 8-MOBILE POLAR EXPRESS.
I was supposed to research and map out the best Christmas lit homes in our city and end with the grand finale at Portland Race International. Suppose to are the key words here.
During this Christmas countdown I was also suppose to:
- make homemade cookies for Nya’s Winter party (instead I cut up my birthday left over chocolate cake given the night by my cell group-thanks Ladies you saved me-once again)
- sew matching Christmas pajama bottoms for the family to wear on Christmas day
- decorate each on of my children’s rooms-theme inspired by their personality and style
One of my girlfriends after hearing my early plans stated, “Wow, Sis you are so ambitious”. LOL. She should have told me I was crazy. But she didn’t she knows my sensitivity to celebrations.
Celebrations are my passion-attention to detail and delivery get my heart beating and my feet running.
But for today y’all just don’t have it.
So instead of making, shopping, sewing-doing, I just want to be-“being.”
I don’t know what just happened, but something just shifted. As I sit by this fire, as warmth and comfort soak into my tired and anxious body I decide to rest awhile. The guilt and the “I should be doing” begin to burn off too- an inner amber of peace begins to arise.
And although the list of what needs to get done and the time it is going to take to complete what needs to be accomplished tips to unequal( visits, cooking, wrapping, preparing, blogging these days)-I allow my mental list to dissolve in these purple, red and yellow flames.
Scooting my chair as close as to the iluminating blaze as I can get-I draw close to Christmas still.