Day 26-I’m SO Scared, but I’m GOING-FREE FALL

Free Falling

Seriously, I was holding on to that tree with my pinky toenail.

Screaming Jesus (and forgive me Lord-a few other not so holy words-all the way down).

But I did it.

Next to water (still can’t swim) fear of heights is my other greatest terror. The more I get to know myself, it may not even be the H20 or hanging out where birds fly- I’m afraid of not having control.

There I said it.

To let go of what is secure, comfortable, stable

leaping into what is uncertain, dangerous and unknown

has got to be the most scariest, exhilarating, freeing act of craziness I have ever done-but I’m doing it.

Today, I let go of a 20 year career.

Since the age of twenty I have been nurturing, developing, mentoring and coaching inner-city youth in NE Portland.  Serving youth in this capacity has been my greatest passion, life work and calling. I’m forever their Mrs.V and they are forever my spiritual sons and daughters,

I carry their spirits, stories and even their slang with me, everywhere I go.

But God is asking me to try something new.

He’s asking me to jump off my 20-year-serving-oak-tree and  land on a mustard seed-at least that’s what it feels like. 

My knees are shaking y’all, no wobbling, actually they are clanging like tin cans.

Instead of free falling off whats familiar, (like I thought I would),into this new chapter of my life, I got splinters from trying to slide down.

It’s time to let go.

And I am SO SCARED, but I’M GOING.

I’m going to honor the sacred budding of new creativity and possibility he has given me and just try, right? Giving it my best shot- mind, body and soul.

I‘m going to trust that what the Lord began in me through writing, worship, poetry and in the arts he will complete. (Philippians 1:6)

I’m going to make Jesus smile as he watches me water my little mustard seed of faith.mustard-seed-faith-by-cri.

Yep..its small, but it’s mine and it’s all I got.

Pastor Martin told us on Sunday to never disregard small beginnings. Why?…

Luke 13:18-19

18 He said therefore, “What is the kingdom of God like? And to what shall I compare it? 19 It is like a grain of mustard seed that a man took and sowed in his garden, and it grew and became a tree, and the birds of the air made nests in its branches.”


Lord God, may you bless

this small beginning, little seed of faith offering

to become a tree of legacy for others to climb (until the time comes for them to land on their own mustard seed).

6 thoughts on “Day 26-I’m SO Scared, but I’m GOING-FREE FALL

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