It’s one of those rare Saturday night’s when I am home alone.
Hubby and son are driving back from a basketball game in Seattle.
The girls each mapped out and scheduled full, what they too would do in the absence of the boys-resulting in an all day play date and a sleepover with friends.
After daily chores, reaching my writing goals for the week, five meetings, cooking 15 meals, job hunting, a funeral, and a three hour Yada Yada Girlfriend session I’m exhausted-but I want to go somewhere too-just like everybody else.
But I didn’t make plans and I’m sad I didn’t-but I’m too tired to think up something now.
It’s really quiet.
The house feels empty and very, very big.
Hmmmm. So this is what an empty nest feels like. I don’t know if I like this?
I’m surprised by my thoughts, it’s the first time a mothering break for me has come with a hovering sadness.
When the kids where smaller I relished over any type of alone time. Quick Starbucks breaks or long beached weekends when my husband gave me the green light to go-it was nothing but freeway baby!!! Those breaks gave me strength, clarity and a deepened appreciation of what I had waiting for me back at home.
But lately it seems, that these days with my children keep speeding up and I can’t hold on to them for very long before the sun is coming up again. And I want it to slow down a bit, so I don’t keep missing stuff or missing out on what they need.
The people in my house give me a plan.
They are my living to do list and Google schedules. They keep my life filled up to the brim whether I want it to be or not. I am needed alone by them. I am their only Momma.
The people in my house give me a purpose.
The goal of parenting is simple wings and roots. Our goal is to successfully send each child into full flight with healthy, whole and eager wings-at the same time anchor down, deep roots in God, family and faith.
The people in my house ALSO give me endless housework, stress, anxiety, responsibility, drama, humor, entertainment, bills,victories, challenges, and discoveries in some form or another, each and every day.
And the truth is I am blessed to have it ALL.
To be given the privilege to be a LIFE and LOVE-GIVER is an awesome calling.
Motherhood has, is, and will continue to take ALL OF ME-and that’s what is making it so meaningful, so rich and so depleting. Parenting ain’t no joke y’all. RIGHT???!!!
So what happens when the people in our house leave us ? When our role is different?
And their play dates, performances, projects, personal struggles and play-off’s leave with them?
And we are alone?
(Sure I know they will visit, call, maybe even have to return home for a season or two, but I am fully aware that my life will never be this full of their details. They will one day soon become the parent).
I think I know what I will do…
After I cry a lot (and then some more), Hubby and I move to a cute condo and I throw myself a party…
I will rest, reflect and record the grit, gift and glorious journey that took place-in my one and only nest.
And fill my days and weekends full of my own plans. 😉